Things I'm Not Allowed To Do Under Federal Protection
by FanWriter83
Summary: Selina is with her boyfriend Bruce in Concord and Agent Cunningham keeps an eye on the two to make sure they won't break any of the rules Alfred had set up for them. Of course we know that not only Selina breaks them, but Bruce this time as well. Oh boy, Alfred must be so happy they are in Concord right now? *spin-off to The rightful Wayne Heir*
1. Chapter 1

**New story, and this is a spin-off to my 'rightful Wayne heir'story, the 'Wayne Manor rules' story, and swiftbolt99 'Granite State adventure'. You really should read swiftbolt99's story, because it's really funny and amazing to read.**

 **Anyway, enjoy my rules as well xD I do advice you to read 'the rightful Wayne heir' to know the characters.**

* * *

 **#1. I am not allowed to laugh manically when Agent Cunningham tells me he will be watching me**

Agent Hayes just prepared breakfast for herself and BatCat when Agent Cunningham enters through the cabin backdoor and bellows while cue pointing at Selina; "You! Listen!"

"Don't you have a knock or something?!" Selina asked rolling her eyes annoyed while stuffing her mouth full with the blueberry pancakes, the eggs and the bacon.

Agent Cunningham looks at the girl momentarily wondering how it would be possible for a girl to fill her mouth with all that food at the same time, then quickly melting his frown into a scowl; "Mr. Pennyworth called me this morning and he was so nice to tell me you have the habit of causing trouble, chaos and pulling antics wherever you go! Not to mention steer up that kid's hormones! **(cue pointing at Bruce)** But I'm telling you this, missy, I'll be watching every move you make, will be one step ahead of you the entire time, and if you even make an attempt to turn my life into a nightmare, I hunt you down and personally kick you back to Gotham… or worse…Alcatraz!"

Selina shrugs her left shoulder then taking a bite of her bacon while grinning; "I'll say; bring it on!"

And with that Selina opens her mouth far enough for Cunningham to see her digestion process while she guffawed maniacally at him.

What did Bruce and Hayes do? Well, they shared a look then slowly picking up their plates and backing away out of the room not wanting to be part of what happens next.

* * *

 **#2. I am not allowed to show Mr. Cunningham how good I'm actually are with a weapon (also, rubber bullets still hurts)**

Agent Cunningham scrambles into the woods where Bruce Wayne for some reason wanted to meet up with him. It won't take long before he finally found him.

"Why exactly did you pick this spot, Mr. Wayne," Cunningham asked heavily panting due to the long walk and the climb across steep hills he had to take to reach the abandon spot in the middle of nowhere.

Bruce shrugs his shoulder; "Because here no one can hear what I'm about to tell you about Agent Baldwin and Agent Hayes."

"Ah, they're playing cahoots to take me down, aren't they?" Agent Cunningham asked glaring suspiciously then kicking against a tree infuriated. "I knew it!"

Suddenly there's a gun shot and a bullet misses Agent Cunningham by an inch and lands into the tree he kicked. The poor man immediately recoils to the leafy forest floor. Bruce however still stands straight on his feet like nothing happened.

"Ehm, Agent Cunningham, what are you doing down there?"

Agent Cunningham looks up then scooting away behind a shrub trying to peer through it to see where the bullet came from while hissing to Bruce; "Mr. Wayne, I advise you to take cover because-

Suddenly another bullet flies past his left ear and lands somewhere behind him in another tree. The Agent whimpers and recoils some more.

Bruce frowns; "Advise me to take cover, why?"

"Just get your scrawny little ass to the ground, alright?!" Cunningham said angrily glaring at the boy then looking around in fear to find the person who was shooting at him. "There's an idiot shooting at us!"

Another bullet gets fired, but this one hits Agent Cunningham straight in the arm. The man howls in pain then quickly scrambling away from behind the shrub and bolting as fast as he can while another round of shots are chasing him into the trees.

"Agent Cunningham, why are you running? I still didn't tell you the secret about Agent Hayes and Baldwin!"

"Forget that secret kid, I'm out of here!" Cunningham roared while running then suddenly realizing Alfred will come for his head if he finds out he left the Wayne heir in the middle of a danger zone, the agent turns around and grabs Bruce by his sleeve to drag him into the trees.

Suddenly he makes another few realizations. The firing had stopped, Bruce Wayne didn't seem to get shot at, and he had been hit by bullets multiple times, but still no blood loss. How-

His eyes slowly dart to the tree that got shot first noticing a rubber bullet lying on the leafy forest floor then his ears pick up the sound of rustlings. When his eyes move to the spot where the rustling came from, Cunningham sees a cheeky grinning girl wearing a little too much leather approach them.

"Hiya, Cunningham! So, who was it that cuts and runs soon the firing starts?"

* * *

 **#3. I am not allowed to try take Agent Cunningham's place at Gotham's field office. Nor am I allowed to try make myself popular only because I want Selina to get away with her antic**

Bruce Wayne trots into Gotham's field office with a merrily skip in his step and walks all up to the front then clearing his throat very loudly. All eyes turn on him instantly.

"Alright everyone, sadly Agent Cunningham caught the flue this morning and well, because I'm Bruce Wayne (yes THE Bruce Wayne) he put his full and unwavering trust in me and told me I had to step in his place for a day. So, if you all keep doing what you do best, I'll be just sitting here in case you need anything."

And with that Bruce sits down into Agent Cunningham's seat and plants his feet onto the desk while lurking his coffee and reading the morning paper. Then an agent walks up to him.

"Ehm, Agent Wayne? Someone called there's a theft in a jewelry store. The owner said it's one girl around the age of fifteen wearing lots of leather and goggles on her head. Also, she's acting like some sort of a cat."

Bruce looks up from his newspaper then asking; "Just one teenage female, huh?" The agent bobs his head up and down. Then the young billionaire looks thoughtfully for a moment then asking; "Did the owner tell what else she's wearing?"

"Yeah, he did mention she was wearing high-heeled combat boots."

Bruce jumps up from his seat and exclaims eagerly; "That I have to see!"

"You want backup, sir?"

Bruce puffs his chest proudly; "Nah, I can do this one on my own. You know what, why don't you all take an early and a VERY long lunch?"

All the feds in the room cheer in excitement, grab their wallets and head out the door like a pack of hungry animals. Then Agent Cunningham enters the building, infuriated.

"YOU!"

Bruce jerks his head to the door in alarm then quickly dashing out through the backdoor to watch Selina rob a jewelry store while wearing a little too much leather, goggles and high-heeled combat boots.

Oh boy, he's going to have so much fun.

* * *

 **#4. I am not allowed to claim to the captain of Concord's office a jabberwocky lives in their woods or put one of the agents under pressure so he goes along with my plan**

Team BatCat sit cosily on the couch watching the Syfy movie Alice when there is suddenly a forest scene and Hatter tells Alice he will lead the jabberwocky to the posy that is chasing them. Then the so called jabberwocky walks into the screen and the two characters start to run their asses off.

"Oh joy!" Selina cried and bounced off Bruce's lap and bowls over to Hayes who's doing some research on her computer. "Don't mind me," Selina then said rolling Hayes's seat away from the desk and positioning herself in front of it. "I just need a quick print of the jabberwocky."

Hayes frowns; "The jabber-what?"

Selina takes her print and dashes out the door hollering over her shoulder; "Don't worry, I will take agent Tapper with me so you can stay with my billionaire boyfriend!" Then the street girl dashes past the three agent that cover the front yard of the cabin cue pointing at the agent of her choice; "You come with me! And you say yes or agree with everything I say!"

Too scared to disobey, because Agent Hayes will have him sacked if he does; Agent Tapper follows the young girl into one of the convoy vehicles which she takes to the Concord's police office and finally bowls inside to speak with Captain Caviezel.

"Ah Cat, what can I do for you?"

Selina shows the print of the jabberwocky and says; "Me and Agent Tapper where strolling through the woods when we suddenly bumped into this. It's a jabberwocky and it has set his sight onto the dear citizens of Concord new Hampshire.

Captain Caviezel laughs while flicking his hand across the picture; "Come on, everyone can see it's a fake!"

"Agent Tapper?"

"Yes Miss Kyle."

"We saw this creature roaming through the woods, didn't we Agent Tapper?"

Agent Tapper bobs his head obediently; "Yes Miss Kyle, we saw that creature roaming through the woods."

"And it nearly ate you, didn't it Agent Tapper?"

"Yes, it definitely wanted to eat me."

"But luckily I was there to save your skinny ass, wasn't I?"

"Ehm, yes?"

"Yes what, Agent Tapper?!"

Clenching his fists; "Yes Miss Kyle, luckily you were there to save my skinny ass."

"Well in that case…" Captain Caviezel said handing the picture back to Selina then turning to his men; "Everyone grab your gear! We're heading out to the forest to catch ourselves a jabberwocky! The citizens of Concord are counting on us!"

And with that captain Caviezel and his men stride out the door and into their vehicles spurting away to the forest.

"Haha, idiots!" Selina laughed then smacking Agent Tapper to the arm playfully. "Did you see their faces?" Then noticing the very angry scowl on Agent Tapper's face; "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Selina soon realizes she has to run, and running is what she does.

* * *

#5. **I am not allowed to pretend I'm sick so Selina will take care of me. I should know she won't be happy**

"Here you go, squeaky boy," Selina said handing Bruce a bowl of chicken soup then heading for the door while waving toward her sick boyfriend; "I would love to stay and chat, but there are some serious rules I have to break."

Bruce throws a pouty look at his girlfriend and says; "But Selina, I'm sick. Your my girlfriend so you have to take care of me."

"O don't you worry, Ashley will take care of you," Selina smirked opening the door, but sadly Agent Hayes simply snorts from behind her computer, stares briefly at the street girl who then closes the door and saunters back over to her boyfriend; "Fine, what do you need."

Bruce zooms the bowl with soup into Selina's face then asking extremely politely and with squeaky voice; "Would you blow my soup? My throat hurts too much."

The street girl beams a lovely smile at her boyfriend, but inside her head she's pummelling his butt in three different ways then blowing at his soup.

*Squeaky voice* "And when you done that, I would like a fresh squashed orange juice, please."

"In your jewelled cup, your Majesty?" Selina asked sarcastically.

Agent Hayes hides a fit of laughter behind her hand while Bruce stares blankly at Selina then replying; "No, a glass would do fine." At that point Agent Hayes couldn't contain herself anymore and bursts into laughter.

Selina hurls around on her heels and exclaims to the laughing Hayes; "It's not funny! I could have been out there driving other people crazy, but no, I'm locked in here and have to take care of my idiotic boyfriend!"

Bruce smiles sweetly; "I love you too Selina." The street girl throws imaginable daggers at her boyfriend then getting *fake* sneezed by Bruce in her face.

"Stop doing that!"

Bruce sniffles; "Sorry about that Selina, but while you're in the kitchen for my juice, could you also bring me the box with tissues?"

Selina turns on her heels stomping off into the kitchen while Bruce nestles himself with a satisfied grin back into the pillows on the couch. Hayes simply chuckled while continuing her research on the computer.

* * *

"Selina, can I have a foot massage?" Bruce asked his girlfriend who sits at the end of the couch with his feet onto her lap as she pretends to read a magazine. "This flue makes my bones feel all sore and-

"I can't take it anymore!" Selina exclaimed tossing the magazine across the room and nearly hit Agent Hayes with it who walked by. "This flue, the sneezing, the high pitched voice WHICH IS FUCKING CREEPY!"

Bruce sends a lovingly smile; "Thank you, you're a really great nurse."

"I don't want to be your nurse, I want to dash outside and make Agent Cunningham's life miserable along with all the other antics I had planned for today!"

"…"

"Wait, what did you just say?"

"…"

"Bruce, you really need to speak louder!"

"…"

"Great, that's just great! I'll get the throat tonic."

And with that the VERY angry street girl jumps off the couch and stomps into the kitchen to get the throat tonic. Hayes then frowns and asks loud enough for Bruce to hear; "Wait, now you pretend you lost your voice?"

Bruce puffs his chest proudly; "Brilliant huh? She's going to be mine, all day long."

Cue happy smile.

* * *

 ** _"Selina, you wanna fluff my pillows?"_**

Selina rolls her eyes majorly then fluffing Bruce's pillows

 ** _"Can I have some more soup, Selina?"_**

Selina really wants to throttle her boyfriend, but instead she turns around and heads for the kitchen.

"Bruce, this really has to stop," Hayes said when Selina was out of hearing range.

 ** _"Why?"_**

"Because if she finds out you're faking she-

Big smiley face; ** _"She what, huh?"_**

"She will hurt your body in ten different ways, trust me."

 ** _"Nah, I'm her boyfriend, she LOVES me."_**

"My guess is she will forget the fact she's loving you soon she finds out you're faking all this."

"YOU'RE FAKING YOU HAVE THE FLUE?" Selina roared angrily when she stepped back into the room.

 ** _"Ehm, no I don't."_**

"Yes, I heard Ashley say you're faking!"

Sheepishly smiley face; **_"She's lying?"_**

"Cut the crap with those notes, B!"

Big scared face; **_"I better run, huh?"_**

Hayes nods; "YES!"

The feds that are guarding the cabin's front yard frown when a young billionaire comes sprinting outside the cabin with a very infuriated young street girl chasing him all across the garden.

The feds prepare themselves to step in, because their number 1 priority is protecting Bruce Wayne, but Hayes stops them and grins; "Watch and learn boys, because this is what happens when you try to fool your girlfriend."


	2. Chapter 2

**I feel so horrible for not updating this story sooner and even it doesn't have many followers yet, I wish the ones who thought it was worth following still think it is and will continue reading it xD**

 **Reviewers, thank you so much for your time to tell me what you think. It always makes me happy reading them.  
** **GIANTPANDAMAN: I took your advice and idea and wrote some rules were Selina will make Bruce pay for what he's done in the previous chapter.  
Swiftbolt99: Yes, Bruce should. And he will realize that too after these rules LOL**

* * *

 **#6. Even though I feel the urge to get even with Bruce, I am not allowed to pretend I'm having the flue**

Selina sauntered extremely slow into the cabin then dropped her P-90 onto table by the door and proceeded her tour into the main room then dropped with a very loud moan onto the couch, face down.

Agent Hayes and Bruce both looked up from their laptop and files then stared at Selina agape. Her eyes were standing deep in her face and she was sweating profusely.

"What, don't tell me you actually ran all the way back from the Concord's police station," Ashley said as she locked her eyes onto the girl on the couch but kept typing her police file at the same time.

Selina looked back with warily eyes then lets a sound escape her lips.

"UHHH-UH!"

Bruce jumps to his feet then rushes worriedly at his girlfriend and places his palm against her forehead.

"You are hot!" Bruce exclaimed.

Selina tried to crack a half-smile; "Why thank you, Bruce, but at the moment I would need something else more than your silly compliments."

"No, I mean you are burning up! I'll get the thermometer!"

And with that, Bruce Wayne ran out of the room and up the stairs.

Ashley slaps her forehead when she notices a wicked smirk curling Selina's lips upwards.

* * *

 **#7. I am not allowed to let Bruce run around and serve me all day**

Bruce returned with the thermometer and left it in Selina's mouth then left again to make her some Camille tea.

Selina turned one of the floor lamps on and used it to heat up the thermometer until Bruce returns with the tea.

Ashley pretends to look engrossed with her police files but only because she doesn't want to burst into laughter. Then she looks up because she heard her name.

"Ashley, Selina is feeling sick and all you do is-

Ashley interrupts the young boy; "Wow, wow now, easy Bruce. I was just about to log off then head to the supermarket to get a stack of soup for your sick girlfriend."

Selina sends a tiny thumbs-up while blowing her tea.

"No wait!" Bruce screamed in panic. "You can't leave me alone with her. I mean, what if it gets worse? You are the only grown-up who might know what to do!"

Ashley tried not laugh then placed her hands on each of Bruce's arms then said, calmly; "Bruce, you will do fine. I'll be back in an hour and if you need anything, you can ask Agent Ivory."

"Okay, let's send Agent Ivory to town!" Bruce said then realizing he can't because then the cabin would be unguarded. "Or I'll go!"

Ashley saw Selina shake her head then quickly says; "Let you go to town without proper backup? What kind of person do you think I am?"

"A very reliable person, Ashley, you know that! But I'll be fine! I will disguise myself and no one will recognize me!"

Ashley heaved her arms in despair; "If you think that will work, then get your butt upstairs and show me the best disguise you have."

Bruce ran up the stairs then returns minutes later with the worst disguise ever only to find Selina on her own.

"Wait, where did Ashley go?"

Selina bursts into a coughing then replies with raspy voice; "She went to buy soup. Could you please turn the heater off, I'm melting in here!"

Bruce ran across the room then turned the heater off.

"Better?"

"Actually, now I am cold. Could you get me some blankets please?"

Bruce nodded then ran out.

"Oh, and once you did that, some warm chocolate milk would be nice."

Selina fluffed up her pillow with a wide smirk then lies back on the couch; " _This is what Bruce gets when he tries to prank me."_

* * *

 **#8. I am not allowed to bribe Agent Ivory to go along with my plan**

"Mr. Wayne, Agent Hayes called and asked me to tell you-

Ivory halts in the doorway finding Selina on the couch manicuring her toe nails.

"Wait, Agent Hayes said you were feeling sick and you-

Ivory had to duck otherwise a toe-nail clipper would have hit his face.

"Sorry about that, but could you keep your voice down please? Bruce is in the kitchen making my third cup of hot coco."

Ivory gasps; "Ma'am, it's not very lady like if she pretends to be sick only to get back at her boyfriend."

"Who said I was a lady anyway?" Selina smirked. "Now please leave and let me handle my boyfriend, alright?"

Ivory shakes his head; "No, Mr. Wayne is the first person I take orders from so it's my duty to inform him-

"Will this be enough to follow my orders, Agent Ivory?" Selina showed a fist full of hundred dollar bills.

Ivory looks thoughtfully for a moment the whispers, suspiciously; "Ma'am, I'm pretty sure you will snitch on me later-

"Trust me, I won't. Promise," Selina said then she had to hide all her manicure tools and herself under the blankets because it sounded like Bruce is returning from the kitchen.

"Here's your coco, Selina," Bruce said then saw Ivory; "Oh, Agent Ivory. Is there anything you need?"

Ivory opened his mouth then saw Selina's pouty eyes and heard the money crisp underneath the blanket.

"Actually, Sir, Agent Hayes called to tell she's running a little late. There's a big cue at the cashier."

"WHAT?!" Bruce gasped in horror.

"Sir, if you don't mind I'll just head over to Miss Kyle to wish her well then head back to my post," Ivory said scurrying closer to Selina then shakes her hand taking the hundred dollar bills before heading out the door.

Bruce didn't hear or see anything because he was too busy with pacing up and down the room, frantically.

* * *

 **#9. Even if I think it's all that is needed to push Bruce over the edge, I am not allowed to add a little more drama**

"Bruce?"

Selina rose slowly up from the couch then tried to walk across the room to look for Bruce in the kitchen.

A few minutes later she entered the kitchen, wobbly.

"Selina, what are you doing?" Bruce gasped then quickly rushed toward her.

Selina leaned onto the kitchen bench then placed the back of her hand onto her forehead; "Bruce, I think I need a cool-

"Cloth? I'm on it!" Bruce said then instantly started to wet a cloth.

Selina puts it to her forehead then moans; "Bruce, I don't feel so good."

Before Bruce even had the chance to respond, Selina dropped herself into Bruce's arms then went complete limp.

* * *

 **#10. I am not allowed to chase Agent Ivory because he ruined my plans**

"I am so sorry, Ma'am, but I-

Ivory halted his stride in the kitchen doorway when he found Bruce holding an unconscious Selina in his arms. Tears ran down his face.

"Sir, she's faking!" Ivory said. "When I walked in earlier she was manicuring her toe nails then bribed me with this money. I am so sorry, Sir. It won't happen again."

Bruce didn't get the chance to say something because Selina snaps her eyes open then with a cat-like growl she went for Ivory's face.

Ashley returns at the cabin watching agape at the sight of Ivory running across the front lawn chased by Selina and her P-90.

* * *

 **I'm sorry that some seem short, but next time I'll try to post ten rules per chapter. Let me know what you think so far and if you have any ideas, that would be a big help LOL**


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